From the Horse’s Mouth

13th November, 2009

The last of the series "Drugs - A Parents Journey..."

When addicts are ready to talk about their experiences, one realizes just how difficult it must be to win back your body & soul from a substance that very quickly takes hold of every minute of every day. If you’re awake, you think of it continuously; if you’re asleep it comes back to haunt you in your dreams. It also has the cruel ability of digging its claws into those close to you; those who did not ask to be involved in the first place. It slowly rips apart their bodies & minds, piece by piece - the anxiety to find the best solutions, the concern about your addiction & wellbeing & the ongoing hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is just around the next bend.

Below are some interesting snippets of information that have been forthcoming from my daughter as time goes by. Hopefully, those who are either tempted to partake in abusive substances, or those who know they have a problem, will in some way be convinced to turn the corner. The road to addiction is one that should be far less traveled.

‘Although I realized that I was doing my body harm, crystal meth grabbed hold of me & didn’t let go. The ‘rush’ is something that can never be understood by a person that hasn’t been there.’

‘The craving eventually became so overpowering that my subconscious took over; I’d do anything to get my hands on it, even if I had no money. You make any plan you can and tell yourself that you will suffer the consequences of lies, manipulation, deceit & stealing later.’

‘When I was hooked, I knew I had a major problem, but because of the craving, I cast away the thoughts of stopping or asking for help. Tomorrow was another day.’

‘During the experimental days, I did drugs because I didn’t have the courage to walk away from the people who influenced me negatively. After all, if they could do it now & again & not get hooked, so could I.’

‘I started using crystal meth regularly because someone told me that it was the best way to lose weight quickly. In the process, I lost much more; the trust of my family & friends, my dignity, my job & my affection for things that were so important to me when I was clean.’

‘As I became more & more dependent, the highs didn’t feel as good any more & the lows became more difficult to get out of. The only way I thought I could solve the problem at that point, was to take more often.’

‘Just before I went into toxic shock, I was using crystal meth at least 3 times a day, just to keep me going at work. I couldn’t get through the working hours without it.’

‘One of the most frightening things is that there are certain things that I cannot remember when I was using heavily. I used to get calls from good friends on my cell and just cut them off. Only much later, when they told me how many times they had tried to contact me, did I realize how much I had neglected them during my obsessive periods.’

‘When I was caught out by my parents and the circle started closing in on me, I panicked because I felt that there was just no way that I could survive without it.’

‘I always thought that I could kick the habit myself; only after going to rehab & learning how to cope with & manage my addiction, did I realize how impossible it would have been to go it alone.’

‘Talking to people who are going through the same addictions as you, helps a lot; they are the only people who understand what happens, because they have been there themselves.’

‘You have to keep yourself busy to keep your mind off drugs; when I got bored, the cravings became worse.’

‘I have been to places to buy crystal meth that make me shiver. I’d be too scared to even go near those places today.’

‘The runners and dealers really come across as nice guys; they’re friendly and are more than willing deliver to any place you want them to. Once you get to know your dealer, they’ll give you stuff on credit. But don’t be late with payment when they ask you to pay your debts!’

‘A lot of the runners and dealers don’t use the stuff themselves; they’re just involved to make lots of quick money. They know what it does to you & what they have used to make it. They’re scared to use it themselves’

‘If I was craving, I could walk outside a club or pub and get my drug of choice in 10 minutes max…..it was that easy! There are even hangouts in Somerset West where dealers sit & wait for your call; if they can’t deliver, you can go to the car park near to where they sit and take delivery yourself.’

‘I wish I could make the guilt & shame disappear and although my family and friends have forgiven me, I have to live with my conscience for the rest of my life; if I’d known before what I know now, there’s no way I would’ve have done drugs.’

‘You never get rid of the memory of that split second rush you get from crystal meth. That’s something else you have to manage for the rest of your life.’

‘If anyone is ever tempted to use any addictive stuff, even now and again, don’t go there. The start is great; the finish is awful!’

‘If I had not been caught out when I was & got the support of those who cared for me through all the ups & downs, I’d probably be dead by now’.

We sincerely hope that there is someone out there (even if it’s only one person), who gains some value from our personal journey and takes the next important step as a user or abuser, or concerned parent, to change their own lives and those of others. There is nothing better than knowing that you have conquered something that at one time was far bigger than you. In a way, it can probably be compared to climbing Mount Everest; there will be storms and hardships along the way…..there’ll be times when you’ll want to return to your ‘comfort zone’……there’ll be guides to show you the right paths & with a little extra will and endurance, you’ll finally reach the summit……… and the view from the top is like no other!

This is our last article in this series.

Source: HCW